While I'm unhappy with my Grade C14, it makes me strive to do better. I'm unhappy because I feel like I could do better! And I think I can, reading the feedback, I can see 100% where I've gone wrong. I hope that by following my given feedback I'll be able to achieve a much better grade when it comes to Dissertation. :)
Premise: The introduction covers the details of the project, but could be further refined to more closely link the idea of human cultural variety, representation in visual media, and the problem of stereotype fantasy races. The connection is not quite made here... you could for instance start with the basis of real world reference points (the human differences you identify), build into visual representation in media (introduce cliches and the problem of stereotyping ethnicities) and then build into you own particular area of interest, which is imagined fantasy races. The research problem can then be clearly stated - the problem of visualising fantasy races free from stereotypes and sensitive to real world human cultures.
Context: Overall there are many good references here and there is some good discussion. However, the ideas you discuss are not quite connected together - i.e. no strong connections are made between each of the areas you look at. Firstly, it is unclear why the first section on fashion is relevant - the topic is cultural differences and stereotypes in race design for games. A section on dress and fashion would be fine, but it ought to focus on cultural differences in fashion and dress. In this case, references are likely to be from anthropology and cultural studies. The remaining sections are more coherent, but they could still be more closely connected. Consider how you will compare studies of race representation in visual media with race design in science fiction and fantasy. What are the comment elements, what are the differences, and what might fantasy concept artists learn from more progressive representations of human cultures in modern media?
Appropriateness of Methodology: The case study and practice-based approach is appropriate. Some development of your critical framework is required. Could you present your analytical criteria in table form?
Clarity of Methodology: More clarity could be offered for the strategy you intend to use for selecting media for analysis. MMOs are identified, but this left open to be a range of fantasy MMOs... this is a lot! And beyond this you also identify that other media (note media is plural, not medias) will also be discussed. Think carefully about your selection of MMOs. Quality is more important than quantity in a case study - are you going to compare two MMOs, and how will you select these MMOs? What is the rationale? Is one a bad example and one a good example of representation?
Predicted Outcomes: The expected outcomes of the research somewhat align with the proposed methodology. The extent to which these outcomes will address the project aim should be considered further (I think it cut off here by accident??)
References: Note that some of your references are not fully provided - instead of identifying and providing the full reference, a link has been presented instead. An example is the last reference in the list. A link to academia.edu is provided - this is a networking site for researchers. The paper itself is in conference proceedings for Situated Play (a simple google search picked this up). Make sure that you provide full and accurate references for the main source - journal papers and conference papers are available online, but in most cases you won't provide an internet link for these types of references.
Presentation: Overall this is a good proposal, with a very interesting subject matter. Some refinement is required to work towards a quality research project and dissertation in semester 2. Given the subject matter, it may be necessary to define terms in your writing. Do this in the Introduction or when you first use terms - for instance, race is a problematic word as it has different meanings. You need to use words consistently throughout, so define how you are using terms. In particular, associate words of race (racist, racial) are problematic.
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